| | This past week has been kind of rough for me. And I'll be really honest as to why, although it may be received....oddly. I'm ok with that. I write because I like to write.
Anyway, as I said before, my job is taking me. It takes absolutely all of me and I love giving all that I have to my job. I would be disappointed with anything else. But the conflict comes when I get home and my phone begins ringing. Now, while those who know me well, know that I am not afraid to speak my mind and I love talking to people. However, I would never describe myself as an overly-extroverted person. I could live alone and spend days without talking to people and I would be just fine. I love people though. I love getting to know people and I love spending time with people. But it wears me out-- physically and emotionally. I need alone time.
Before my job, I had that alone time. I spent most of my free time alone, storing up energy for when my phone rang at night and then I would go spend time with people. But now, by the time I get home at 4:30, I am done with human interaction. My job zaps any energy and social skill that I might have started out the day with. By the time I get home, I need silence. And thus, the conflict which has already been brought to my attention by my best friends and the people I love dearly is, I cannot give 110 percent to my job and then give them whatever is left over. I need to give them 110 percent as well. God has blessed me with them in my life and I have the opportunity to love them.
Oswald Chambers talks about how self-pity is from Satan and is to be avoided at all cost. I realized driving the other day that there have been times in my life when I am emotionally exhausted. When my life is a rollercoaster. Right now is not one of those times. But physically, right now....I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I felt like my privacy and most important, my solitude were being stolen away and God still expected me to do the quickly aggregating work He set before. Doesn't He know I need time alone? While I was driving in my car, Oswald Chamber's words reminded me that God has made me and placed me here for such a time as this and there is nothing wrong with being physically exhausted. There is nothing wrong with pouring out 110 percent of myself twice a day to two different groups of people. Praise God that He has given me so many people to love. My self-pity was threatening to steal the joy of the work that was set before me. Jesus was probably bone tired all the time but all it did was give Him the opportunity to ask God to supply Him the rest and provisions He needed. And then He saw God miraculously supply His every need. Thank God that I need to depend on Him for strength. Thank God that I CANNOT do it. Thank God that I WILL fail. But He will not.
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| | Posted 9/3/2007 11:23 PM - 33 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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